Diary of a Stalker
by Inuobsessed004
Summary: I watch you while you sleep, when you're awake, and especially when you don't realize it. Nothing escapes my eyes.
1. Nail Polish

Diary of a Stalker-Chapter 1 (Nail Polish)

'Hmmmm I think I need to kill someone….and get some nail polish, maybe crimson? Yes, to blend in with the blood….'

He gently pushed his bangs out of his face and smiled maniacally, "Kisame, we're going."

"Hn? I just ate, where do you want to do all of a sudden?"

His wind-blown hair covered his face, his red eyes blazed, "_Kisame, what did I say about questioning me?"_

"I-I didn't mean it, uhh, let's go." He shoved the remainder of his sandwich down his throat, his razor sharp teeth shredding it before it hit his tongue.

They slipped into the shadows, unseen by an untrained eye.

They arrived near a village, keeping to the outskirts of town, Kisame halted when his partner stopped in front of the store.

"Itachi?"

Itachi did not answer and went in the store, he came back out, minutes later, with a bag in his hand.

Kisame looked curious, "…?"

Itachi pulled out his treasures and smiled eerily, "hehe, I love this color!"


	2. Confessions of an Eyeball

Diary of a Stalker- Chapter 2 (Confessions of an Eyeball)

He shifted a little, smirking to himself; the contents formed the shape of an eye and appeared in the most awkward of places.

The girls in the sauna did not notice the eyeball floating gently above the fence and boundary.

He giggled peevishly to himself in his room; he didn't even need to go places to see naked women! He was so lucky!

He rocked back and forth on his bed grinning.

The door flew open, "GAARA ARE YOU LOOKING AT THE GIRLS IN THE HOT SPRINGS AGAIN??!!!!"

Gaara turned white, the eye quickly disappeared and reappeared back in its home in his skull, "UHH, NO TEMARI???"

Temari growled, "Gaara…."

"No-no! I was ….reading:quickly grabs a random magazine from his pile: See?"

"GAARA YOU PERVERT!" :slams door:

"Huh?" He looked at the magazine, which out of all of his 101 magazines, he had been unlucky enough to pick up a copy of "Come-come Paradise."

"Oh….hehe."

"I should really stop doing this…but it's so fun!" He started making another eye when he heard a familiar voice over one of the speakers in his room. He knew what everyone was doing at anytime of day, he never slept, and he was constantly paranoid now that he was Kazekage.

He squinted towards the screen of the entrance, 'pink hair? Wait, I know here! Sakura! Naruto's girlfriend!'

He raced through his house (the Kazekage building) and ran towards the door. "Hello Sakura!" She looked amazing!

Sakura shifted uneasily, 'Why is he being so friendly….Doesn't he kill people?'

Gaara smirked, 'well no wonder Naruto likes her, too bad he doesn't get to see what I saw! Hehe boooobies…. She looked so flat-chested to the naked eye! But I know what lies beneath!!!!'

Sakura, "um, Kazekage?"

Gaara was still dazed, "yeah I'm Kazekage to you baby! Hehe boobies…"

Sakura, O.O "um excuse me?"

Gaara, "huh?"

Sakura, "you said boobies and called me baby,...Lord Kazekage." 'What a pervert!'

Gaara smiled weakly trying to break the awkward silence he had created, "so how's Naruto doing you?-Treating you?? That's what I meant!"

Sakura glared at him, she handed him the package she was sent to give him, "here's your package."

"Hehe, you can handle my package anytime! Wait I didn't mean for that to come out!!!"

"Goodbye, Lord Kazekage, I'll send your regards to the Leaf Village, and yes, Naruto is treating me nice, thanks for asking."

With that she left as quick as she had came.

Gaara giggled, "she was sooo into me."

The guards frowned at him.

"I said that out loud?"

"Sir, you've been saying everything out loud for a while."

"SHIT!!!!"


	3. Dear Little Brother

Diary of a Stalker- Chapter 3 (Dear Little Brother)

Itachi hummed a little while painting his masterpiece.

"This color really matches my eyes!"

"…Um, yeah, sure Itachi."

"Kisame?"

"Yeah?"

"We're going to Konoha today to visit the Kyuubi."

"Visit? You mean kill? Can I cut him in half? Pretty please?"

"No, leader said we need him alive for the procedure remember?"

"Aww, you never let me have any fun."

"Alright, if you want to cut someone in half so bad then you can have my brother when I'm done with him."

"Really?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever floats your boat."

They put on their hats and Itachi flicked his hands a little so the nail polish would dry.

Kisame sighed, he didn't understand his partner one bit, 'first we keep Sasuke alive, then now I can kill him? What's wrong with Itachi? Is he finally going to kill him?'

They walked slowly towards the Leaf Village, stopping along the way to kill a woman who didn't like the way Itachi looked.

Well, ….she had said he was ugly, which obviously wasn't true, so she deserved to die, at least that was the explanation he gave Kisame.

They huddled on a nearby hill that overlooked a forest which apparently Naruto Aka. The Kyuubi, trained at.

Itachi pulled out some binoculars, Kisame said nothing about it, he knew Itachi's eyes were slowly fading and it was not a subject to bring up with him.

He zoomed in as his younger brother walked in to view with a pink-haired boy.

"Hm? Whose he?"

Suddenly the boy starting talking in a high-pitched voice, "SASUKE-KUUUNNN!"

"Oh, it's just a flat-chested girl."

"My brother sure has bad taste in women."

The girl continued to try and glomp his younger brother who did everything in his power to keep her away, "Sakura stop! God! Alright that's it! I already have a girlfriend!"

"Sasuke??? Who??? TELL ME!!"

Suddenly a huge-breasted blonde girl walked seductively in, wrapping an arm around the young Uchiha.

"DAMN! KISAME COME HERE!"

"What?"

"Look at this hot chick my brother has for a girlfriend! Her boobs are huge!"

"Wow! You're right! She's hot!!!"

Sakura frowned, "Sasuke that's not funny! If you don't like me around you can just tell me!!!" She stomped away.

"Hm? What a bitch! I wonder who the blonde is…"

The blonde turned to Sasuke, "Sasuke is that enough? Can I go now? I can't keep this form much longer!"

Itachi's nose scrunched up, "form? What the fuck is going on?"

Sasuke smiled peevishly, "but Naruto-kun you look so good as a girl, I'd date you…"

There was a poof! And suddenly the target/Kyuubi/Naruto was standing there looking disgusted, "goddamn it Sasuke! For the last time I'm not gay! God! Go revive your clan with a women for fuck's sake!!!"

Itachi's eyes bugged out (can you imagine?), "IT'S THE KYUUBI!!!!"

Then he frowned, "Kisame come here! I found the Kyuubi! He disguised himself as a hot chick! And I just found out my little brother is gay:snicker: Hahahahahaha!"

Both boys looked up towards the hill where the Akatsuki members were "hiding", during all the ruckus Itachi's ponytail had managed to stay above the grass line, the binoculars were gleaming in the sunlight, oh and Kisame's sword stood above the grass line like a giant pole.

Very inauspicious.

Sasuke used this as a distraction from his previous hitting on Naruto; Naruto did have a short attention span after all.

"LOOK NARUTO IT'S ITACHI!"

"HUH? ITACHI!!! HE WANTS THE KYUUBI!!!"

Meanwhile the Akatsuki members realized they had been spotted and Itachi stood up abruptly, "SASUKE YOU ARE WEAK! YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE WEAK YOU LACK HATRED AND YOU'RE GA-"

:Trip:

Itachi tripped on the binoculars he had set down and starting tumbling down the hill with Kisame chasing desparatly after him, "ITACHI!!!!"

"KISAME HELP!!! I CAN'T STOP!!!!"

"OMG I'M GONNA HURL!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

"DON'T WORRY ITACHI I'LL GET YOU!!!"

Naruto and Sasuke turned to look at each other, "you sure that's your brother, the deadly Itachi?"

"Yeah,…he sure has changed."

"That's for sure, let's go get some ramen."

"Okay."

Kisame threw his sword and it stopped Itachi immediately and he just laid there, confused with a greenish expression, "KISAME WHERE ARE YOU?"

Kisame leaned over him, "right here."

"Good, did you get the Kyuubi?"

"Ummm, Itachi they left while you were rolling down the hill screaming."

"DAMNIT! Kisame, you tell not a soul I screamed for your help, comprende?"

"Yes, Itachi, I swear."


	4. Shukaku

Diary of a Stalker- Chapter 4 (Shukaku)

"I've been talking out loud this whole time, damn, I really have to stop that."

"Uh, Kazekage?"

"Yes?"

"You're doing it again."

"DAMMIT!!!!"

Gaara frowned, 'I should really get a hold of that, or else I'm going to say everything out loud, whether I want to or not.'

He paced in his room; then decided to go out for a walk, 'maybe I'll visit Naruto!' "YEAH THAT'LL BE FUN!"

"Keep it down out there!!!"

"O.O Sorry!"

The sand wrapped around him and in a blink of eye and he felt himself lifted up into the air and transported to Konoha.

He jumped up and down a little, his toes curling with excitement, he hadn't seen Naruto in a year because of all his business trips as Kazekage and he dearly missed the loudmouth.

"Hm, now where would Naruto be?...Getting ramen of course! What a stupid question."

He walked through the village, observing the strange looks he got, maybe it was because they knew he was Kazekage! 'That has to be it, I'm so sexy everyone knows my face! .'

A woman in the village frowned, "what a strange boy, he's talking to himself."

(A/N: Gaara in this stage always talks out loud, when he " " talks, it's when he actually wants people to hear, and when he ' ' thinks, he thinks out loud)

Gaara 'sanded' his way over to the ramen joint and spotted an orange/black jumpsuit sitting next to a hooker's outfit, 'a hooker?'

Gaara decided to find out who she was!

He walked over and sat on the left of said hooker so its (Gaara, 'hooker', Naruto)

Gaara frowned, taking a long time to analyze the hooker, 'wow I didn't know Naruto had replaced Sakura with a hooker.'

Sasuke's eye twitched, "who are you calling a hooker?!"

Gaara blinked, "I never said that!"

Sasuke looked infuriated, "you just said it a minute ago! You said wow I didn't know Naruto had replaced Sakura with a hooker!!!!"

Naruto leaned over the table to look at Gaara, "man Gaara you have got to stop thinking out loud."

Gaara pouted, "I can't help it." 'Plus I thought you said you hated Sasuke because he's always hitting on you.'

Sasuke swirled around to face Naruto, "is that true?!"

Naruto shrinked a little, "n-no of course not! Gaara stop it!"

Gaara looked confused.

At this time Sakura burst in and decided to glomp Sasuke.

Gaara rolled his eyes, 'when is she going to realize he's gay for Naruto?'

Sakura immediately let go of Sasuke and stared at him, looking at Naruto, then Sasuke, she did another double take before turning green and running out.

Naruto looked uncomfortable, the girl he liked thought he was gay and the only affections he was getting was from another guy!

Gaara smirked, "hey Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"If she doesn't like you can I have her?"

Naruto blinked, and stared at Gaara, "what makes you think she'll like you?"

"I have information….and reasons for my affections."

"Anything I should know about?"

Gaara got up from the table and was halfway out of the stand before he turned back and with all seriousness he let Naruto know the secret of life.

"_Boobs."_

Naruto, O.O "okay."

Sasuke stared as the sand ninja left, "what a weirdo."

He leaned over towards Naruto, "well now that we're alone…"

"FOR THE LAST TIME NO!"

"That's it!!!! Now I'm going to go run off to Orochimaru until you love me!!!"

Sasuke fled crying his eyes out and vowed to avenge his unreciprocated feelings, 'somehow, even if I have to take it!!! Mwahahahaha!!!'

He wasn't seen again.

Gaara snuck into the shadows following his pink-haired maiden.

Sakura stopped, her hair stood on end, "why do I feel like someone's watching me?"

She looked around, but not up, as Gaara was following her on the branches of trees and buildings, hanging upside down.

She opened the door to her house, and shut it, she went to go take a shower; she didn't pause to notice the steady stream of sand through the keyhole.

She was scrubbing her hair when she noticed a reflection in her mirror, was that an eyeball?

She turned off the water and reached out to poke the eye, nearby she heard an, "ow, fuck!"

She jumped back, and panicked, "whose watching me?!"

Gaara giggled from behind the door.

She threw the door back, "agh! Gaara? You!"

Gaara frowned, "agh? Oh you know you like it baby."

Sakura stepped back, "a-are you going to rape me?"

He chuckled low in his throat, "maybe…."

He leaned forward grabbing her towel when suddenly his head drooped and he stopped moving.

"G-gaara?"

His head flew up and he looked around, "where am I?"

Sakura stared, "you're in my bathroom, you were going to rape me."

"Rape _you?_ Don't flatter yourself you pathetic tit-less whore, I wouldn't dream of it, be glad I won't kill you for this."

He exited her house frowning, "It must be mating season, I really have to get Shukaku under control."

With that he returned to his duties as Kazekage.


	5. Questionable Manhood

Diary of a Stalker- Chapter 5 (Questionable Manhood)

Itachi frowned a little, as if tripping wasn't embarrassing enough, he had screamed like a little girl, given away his position and _broke a nail_!

They walked into Konoha despite the stares and horrified glances they received.

Kisame needed to refill and Itachi desperately needed a manicure.

Kisame sniffed the air and smelled something delicious; he hadn't had this in ages.

His stomach growled, he whined helplessly, "rammmennnn." He drooled a little at the thought.

Kisame swished his fishy butt over to the ramen stand and sat down.

"I want ramen…..a lot….and now!"

"O-o-okay mister fish…sir!"

Naruto looked up and next to him; he gulped, looking over at Kisame in fear.

"Don't worry kid, I'm off duty."

"Oh…they have great ramen here."

"Really? I guess I choose the right place then."

"Umm…where's your partner, Itachi?"

:gulp, inhalation of food at rapid rate, swallow: "Hm? Oh him, he's probably getting chicks or something else that guys do our age."

The women in the salon had no idea what to do as the butcher of the Uchiha clan sat down.

"Excuse me,…sir?"

"I need my nails fixed,…_now."_

The women quickly scampered around to please him and grabbed every glass bottle of nail polish in the vicinity.

One girl would stand next to him, comparing his skin and hair to the colors, while another would hand the colors from the pile they had created.

They worked in unison, throwing the unwanted polishes to the side and in a vain attempt they tried to please him with any and all colors.

"How about thi-"

"Too pink."

"Too red."

"Too blue."

"More purple."

"Less violet."

"FINALLY! YES! YESSSSSSSSSSSS!"

Kisame stood outside staring, he raised two curious eyebrows, 'is Itachi getting laid?'

"THAT'S THE TICKET!!!! YES!!!"

Kisame blinked, "a salon? Wait, now I get it, hot chicks work in a salon, Itachi you little weasel!"

He grinned, pushing the doors open and smiled broadly, "Itachi you-"

"-are getting your nails …done…"

Itachi observed his nails, flicked them dry and walked past Kisame as if he wasn't there, "we're going, _now."_

Kisame blinked, then decided to forget it, and immediately followed Itachi out of the store into the street.

Naruto strolled down the street, whistling, he had escaped a possible death with Kisame, had good ramen, things were turning out pretty good.

He smiled, turning a corner quickly, 'Sakura's birthday is coming up, maybe I should get her some girl stuff, like nail polish?'

He looked at the salon, and spotted Kisame and Sasuke's brother, Itachi, he paled. 'Maybe Sakura can wait…'

Itachi sensed something and he turned, "THE KYUUBI!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Naruto stared, Itachi was facing him, narrowing his eyes.

He tried to form the Rasengan, but he was shaking too much, he was cornered, Itachi started running towards him, his eyes glared like the depths of hell.

Naruto grabbed something out of the bag of a passerby, and then used it as the only weapon he had.

Itachi had the jinchuriki in his sights, 'leader will be so pleased, the kyuubi is the highest demon' Suddenly he couldn't see- "WHAT THE FU-"

"I'M BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Naruto had squirted hairspray right into his highly sensitive eyes, Itachi waved his arms around wildly, growling and swearing.

Kisame quickly came to his rescue; he dragged Itachi away, forgetting the Kyuubi.

Naruto gaped, "I can't believe that worked!"

The women from the salon peaked out, "oh thank god:they looked at Naruto: you made him leave?"

"Yeah, believe it!"

"Well sweetie do you have a girlfriend?"

Naruto grinned happily.


	6. Weasel in the Sand

Diary of a Stalker- Chapter 6 (Weasel in the Sand)

Itachi sniffled, "KISAME????? WHERE ARE YOU????"

He turned around in circles madly.

Even though the shark was inches from him.

"I'm right here Itachi."

He led the prodigy through the crowd, gently guiding him by his shoulder.

He was leaving the Leaf Village.

It was not smart to stay in his condition.

He squinted weakly, he saw brownish, and a dot of blue ahead of him.

Kisame had gone ahead a little to scout the area.

He was the only blue thing there.

He frowned a little.

He could see blurs.

But he would not admit a weakness.

"Kisame! Leave me! I can see perfectly now!"

Kisame frowned a little, sighing, even temporarily blind he could be dangerous.

"Alright, I'll report in to the Leader."

Gaara slinked his way back to his village, frowning a little, he hadn't made much progress, there was a sandstorm and Shukaku was refusing to cooperate.

He had constant headaches, Shukaku was angry at him.

He turned back and spotted something that made him stop dead.

Two black robed Akatsuki figures in the desert.

For him?

"SHIT! FUCK! NOT NOW! Ugh-!"

His head pounded, 'Shukaku what have I done to make you hate me so?'

_Hmmmmmmm_

Well?

_Maybe if I could get out more….see the sights.._

Does this include Sakura?

_Maybe…_

What's up with you?

_Horny…._

………….Disgusting

_Oh don't be such a virgin…_

I'm not a-

_Yes you are…hehe…well…I can help you fix that….animal magnetism my host._

Yeah right.

_Oh my dear host, maybe I should take drastic measures…._

Drastic meas-

"AHHH FUCK!!!!"

He fell over holding his head and then popped back up.

"Hmmm, well, I had to do that forcefully but all is right in the end."

He narrowed his eyes towards the sand, he spotted a black-haired beauty with red eyes.

"Ooooooo…what a fucking babe!"

He swished over towards the beautiful sand goddess.

"Hey baby, looking for some fun in the sun?"

Itachi frowned, he was sure Kisame had left, but now someone was…talking to him?

Hitting on him?

_HIM?  
_

_ITACHI UCHIHA???!!!!_

_A BABY?????WOMAN!!!!!????_

Itachi growled under his throat.

"Ohhh baby I love when you growl at me."

-Yes there definitely was a storm approaching.


	7. Girl Time

Diary of a Stalker- Chapter 7 (Girl Time)

Gaara smiled a little at his delicate angel.

Itachi was feeling very angry, and wanted to kill someone, specifically, this red-head?

'Sasori?'

"SASORI!"

Gaara gagged, 'this girl's voice sounds masculine.'

"Wait, are you a guy?"

Itachi growled under his throat, "yes."

"Oh,…ohhhhh….well uhhh..bye?"

Gaara ran as fast as his legs could carry him.

Itachi narrowed his blurry eyes on the retreating figure.

He gradually stumbled towards what he assumed was the Sand Village.

But in reality he had turned back to the Leaf Village.

Sakura was feeling extremely angsty.

She sniffled as she traveled to her house.

Then she saw something that brightened up her whole day.

Her Sasuke-kun was gone but it seemed she could have a new toy to play with.

An older, more mature, better-looking, Sasuke???

She squealed and ran at the blinded older Uchiha.

Poor, poor Itachi.

He was defenseless, and all he could see was a pink blob with an extremely annoying….wait…

That voice, it was that girl who was infatuated with his little brother!!!!

Sakura grabbed his hand, "come with me."

She dragged him to the classroom.

"INOOOOOOOOO!!!! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!"

Itachi whined, "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM???? ITACHI UCHIHA!!!! I'LL KILLLL YOUUU!!!!!!!!!!!"

His vision was so blurry, he mangetkyo'd the wall and not her.

"AHHHH SOMEONE HELP ME!!!! THIS GIRL IS TRYING TO RAPE A BLIND MAN!!!!"

Despite all the screams, he was ignored due to the majority of the jounin being on missions and not around the village.

They arrived in her old classroom to come across her old classmates.

Naruto slurped some ramen and then turned around, spitting it all out in surprise.

"SAKURA ARE YOU INSANE? HE'LL KILL YOU!!!"

Itachi looked around, "THE KYUUBI!!!! WHERE IS HE???? HE DID THIS TO ME!!!!"

Naruto quieted, covering his mouth.

Ino flew to Sakura's side, giggling. "Ohhhhh la la."

"He's adorable!!!!"

"I KNOW!!!"

"He's so hot I could just eat him!!!"

Itachi, O.O

"Or rape him:giggle:"

Itachi, O.O :whimper:

Shikamaru sighed, feeling bad for the Akatsuki member.

Choji grunted, "lucky bastard."

But Itachi surprisingly found the girls to not be so bad.

They all gathered in a circle, Itachi being the only male, at Sakura's house, since her parents were never around.

They giggled as they painted his nails and gossiped about boys.

But whenever the subject of Sasuke would come up, Itachi would look around frantically and scream, "SASUKE??? Little brother, you lack hatred."

They ignored that, but otherwise, he was being good.

Well, until Hinata sneaked in some sake to their little party.

She was so innocent looking everyone truly believed it was 'for her father'.

Once drunk, he got extremely giggly and horny.

Which, turned out to be a real problem.

A/N: I got the whole idea of the Itachi abduction from the story: _The Mating Frenzy, _it's really good, read it, but no, I didn't steal it, I just secretly want to abduct and sexually harass Itachi .

Itachi, O.O

Emily, "oh you know you want me to."

Itachi :shrugs:

Emily :points to her randomly appearing bedroom:

Itachi, O.O "where'd that just come from?"

Emily:giggle: "if you don't stop asking stupid questions I'm going to write out your ability to speak….and possibly your ability to fight back, comprende?"

Itachi, "SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!"

-Okay read and review peoples!!


	8. Prism

Diary of a Stalker- Chapter 8 (Prism)

Itachi giggled drunkenly.

He flashed his new nails.

"HEHEHEHEH PRISSSMMM!!!"

They were the colors of the rainbow, a prism of the visual spectrum.

He smirked, leaning in towards the girls:giggle: "who wants to play with _my_ weasel?"

Sakura blushed.

All the girls squealed happily.

Itachi frowned, looking blindly around, "are you 18?"

Hinata giggled, "of course we all are!"

Itachi slurred, "oookaay, dat's reat!"

Somewhere outside town:

"My Uchiha senses are tingling! ITACHI IS GETTING NAKED OH MY GOD….GAWD… !!!"

"Orochimaru…..I thought you loved me!!! Not my brother!!!"

"………..you're not old enough to understand:shoves him away: ITACHI MY LOVE I'M COMING FOR YOUUUUUU:disappears:"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOW NOBODY LOVES ME AND I'LL GO EMO AND KILL MYSELF LIKE I WAS SUPPOSED TO YEARS AGO!!!"

"Ugh!" :Sasuke jumps into the water screaming "ITACHI!!!!!!":

Itachi giggled, surrounded by women ogling his body and covering him with affection.

Sakura giggled, reaching out to unbutton his Akatsuki coat.

"BACK OFF BITCH HE'S MINE!!!!!!!!!!!"

Orochimaru slapped Sakura away, standing over Itachi.

Itachi blinked, he recognized that voice, he felt a very long toungue wrap around his neck.

"ITACHI!!! I :slurp: WUV YOUR BODY!!! I COULD JUST USE IT AS A COAT!!!"

O.O "Orochimaru?"

". YEAH!!!"

"EWWWWW THIS IS SO NOT PRISM-TASTIC!" :shoves Orochimaru away, stands up shaking side to side, almost falling over: "I Itachi Uchiha, amy dobody's wody!"

He attempted to maget. him, but missed horribly and hit Ino.

"Ooopps, O.O"

Orochimaru grinned, "nobody can kill me, I'm immortal I:Itachi grabbed him finally after flailing his arms miserably for 10 minutes during his "I'm immortal speech":

"You…are not…iwworal!...I am dah best EVA:strangles him:"

"BUT :cough: ITACHI:cough: I NEED YOUR :cough: BODY!!!"

Itachi giggled insanely, "MORTAL COMBAT:rips Orochimaru's heart out:

His body disincarnates.

"HA, ITACHI HAS WON:giggle: PRISM POWHA!!"

A/N: I know this one was really short, but please REVIEW!!!! I need ideas!!!!


	9. Bakery Time!

A/N: This chapter is for one of my faithful followers (kind of random), if anyone wants me to write a special chapter, tell me, I'll try!

Diary of a Stalker

Chapter 9: Bakery Time!

Orochimaru felt weird.

He hissed a little, he was seeing black and then he opened his eyes, blinking, blinded by an apparent sun.

"Where?"

It was sunny outside, he looked around, wasn't he dead?

Yes, he was sure of it!

He giggled a little, he was alive and :sniff: what was that heavenly smell?

Cookies?...AND LITTLE BOYS????

"OHHHHHHH GAWD MY FAVORITE!!!"

Scene Change:

Sasuke looked around, frowning, "dammit, my emo code of conduct will not forgive my failure at suicide!"

He stomped on the ground in frustration, then he sensed something, he sniffed the air, "mmmm cookies."

He wandered towards an abandoned bakery looking curious and a bit suspicious.

Elsewhere:

Shukaku shifted a little inside Gaara's mind, bored.

'Hmmmm maybe I should go somewhere else'

He materialized, taking on a form of a handsome, hornier Gaara.

He sniffed the air, his eyes widening to the size of saucers.

"I…smell…………o.O……..:eye twitch: hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehueheheheheheheheheheheheheherhehehehe!!!!!!!! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He ran, his arms flailing in the wind, giggling and squealing like a high ferret on crack that had rolled in cat-nip….

Back at the bakery:

Orochimaru dubbed an attire that he considered would attract any young boy to him, and he loaded his pockets with candy.

Sasuke wandered through the bakery, then he jumped.

"Ahhhh, my Sasuke!"

Sasuke, O.O…..

Sasuke thought that he was no longer loved, "you can't love me if you love my brother!"

"You can't!"

"Sasuke?"

"And now I'll have to cut myself and-"

"Candy?"

"Okay! ."

Orochimaru giggled mischievously.

Shukaku devoured the cookies, debris flew everywhere, hitting the walls, the floor and furniture.

He giggled, sugar-high and horny.

Orochimaru petted Sasuke's head (the one attached to his neck) and then sensed something.

Another boy……

"Hehe, Sasuke my boy, stay here! Daddy's gonna…..go check up on something."

"Okay :giggle, sucks on a sucker:"

Shukaku opened a door, inside he found the emo-Uchiha, sitting, sucking on a sucker, "wow, how gay."

Sasuke turned:with sucker in mouth: "I'm not way cu now!" (I'm not gay you know)

Shukaku laughed his ass off, leaning over the counter to look through the window, there was Orochimaru, searching desperately for his 'other' boy toy.

Shukaku frowned, he laughed, his eyes scanning the controls, he flipped a few switches, and ran out of the building giggling.

He returned to the sand village, exhausted and really horny, he looked towards the hot springs with a sudden interest.

"HUH?"

Orochimaru woke up abruptly, his whole body on fire.

"What? Where? But I was in a bakery?! With little boys!!!"

"Uhhh….yeah that's kind of why you're in hell pedophile." The demon looked down at him, frowning.

Orochimaru screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


	10. Kyuubi Unleashed

Diary of a Stalker

Diary of a Stalker

Chapter 10- Kyuubi Unleashed

Itachi stumbled out of Sakura's house with his Akatsuki coat dragging lamely behind him, still attached to his waist.

He was a half-naked blind man standing in the middle of the road in the Leaf Village,

Not an everyday occurrence.

He groaned, holding his head hopelessly and leaning on a pole.

Unknown to him he was being watched.

"_SASUKE??"_

There was a loud growl behind Itachi.

Itachi turned, his eyes taking in what remained of the moonlight, he saw orange and a …..red cloak?

He was tackled.

The attacker grabbed his foot and dragged him across the ground walking on all fours.

Itachi screamed helplessly, "HELP I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A WILD ANIMAL!!"

Someone randomly screamed, "SHUT UP YOU FREAK!!"

Itachi felt scared and alone.

A deep demonic voice asked, "Sasuke?"

Itachi looked around curiously, "yeah! Where is he? He lacks hatred!"

The voice sounded annoyed now, "ARE YOU SASUKE?"

Itachi blinked, "no."

The thing sniffed him, then licked his cheek.

Itachi, O.O "ewwww."

"Sasuke _never_ leave me again!"

"B-b-b-but I'm not Sasuke!!"

"SASUKE DID I TELL YOU THAT YOU COULD SPEAK?"

"……..no?"

Itachi was scared, 'oh my gawd,….Sasuke has weird- ass stalkers.'

Itachi gathered the remains of his masculinity and asked, "who are you?"

"Who do you think I am Sasuke? I LOVVVVVEEE YOUUUUUU!!"

Itachi, o.o "ummmmmmm….eeerrrr…..Sakura?"

"no."

"Hinata?"

"no."

"A girl?"

":giggle: no."

o.O "Ummm….Naruto?"

"YES BUT IT IS I, THE ONE WHO RESIDES WITHIN!!"

"_THE KYUUBI??"_

"Yesss!!"

Itachi pointed a finger randomly, "I WILL CAPTURE YOU!!"

There was a purr in his ear, "oh you don't have to capture me, you have me right where you want me."

Itachi, O.O

Itachi gulped, "what do you plan on doing to me?"

There was an evil chuckle.

"I think you know."

Itachi panicked, "ARE YOU GOING TO RAPE ME??"

"No silly, I want you to brush me! ."

A/N: Lol, sorry peoples, I just thought that if you actually watch the episodes closely, whenever the Kyuubi is unleashed it concerns Sasuke, so wouldn't it be fun to make the Kyuubi obsessed with Sasuke? And Itachi would look like Sasuke when he's drunk and all….I suppose. Review Please!! Oh and give me some more ideas!!


	11. Lemons and Rape

A/N: this is another request,…literally it just said "add lemons and rape," I found the request hilarious so here we go

A/N: this is another request,…literally it just said "add lemons and rape," I found the request hilarious so here we go. ...GIVE ME MORE IDEAS PPL!!

Diary of a Stalker

Chapter 11- Lemons and Rape

After that horrible ordeal our hero had finally regained his health.

Insert Flashback:

"I want you to brush me!!"

The Kyuubi purred happily.

Itachi frowned, 'I'm never going to live this down at the Akatsuki meetings…'

He pulled out the special brush he used on his hair to keep it so shiny and spectacular.

He started brushing the Kyuubi's hair.

When he finished the Kyuubi whipped around to face him.

He grinned maniacally.

"Do you want to know a secret?"

"Hmm?"

"To perfect hair forever? (pun intended)"

O.O 'I'm listening…"

"Well Sasuke….it's….."

:whispers:

"No fucking way I'm doing that."

"But Sasuke!"

"Nope!"

Itachi stood up and started towards the door.

The Kyuubi smiled, "whoever said you had to be willing?"

Itachi, "huh? O.o"

:Attacks him:

"AHHHHHHHH!!" :girlish scream:

Kisame wandered the streets nervously, "Itachi?? Here boy!! Where are you?!"

"_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"_

Kisame gasped, "that sounds like Itachi!!"

He rushed to the scene.

He threw the door open to the house to find….

"Itachi…..why are you and the jinchuriki rolling in lemons?"

Itachi shrugged, "he wanted to have a lemon together."

"Oh."

A/N: Kind of short but I can't help but make fun of the whole 'lemon' thing, who the fuck came up with that? HOW DOES A LEMON REPRESENT SEX??

Anywaz…….review….


	12. Just a Note

A/N: Guys, I've hit a road-block, I'm working now, I can't really write, please please give me some ideas, oh and everyone who actually likes my stories, the way I write certain characters…

A/N: Guys, I've hit a road-block, I'm working now, I can't really write, please please give me some ideas, oh and everyone who actually likes my stories, the way I write certain characters….

Then read my new fic…

"Catch your own Anime Bishie"

It's all about asking your favorite bishies the questions we all want to know….such as…Is Sasuke gay?...Did Inu ever tap Kagome?...Does Itachi really hate Sasuke?...Is Yami _that_ short?….What does L do to keep thin?...and where else does Renji have tattoos?


	13. Why didn't anyone notice before?

A/n: I'm back bitches

A/n: I'm back bitches! Hopefully…anywaz…make sure to R&R to boost my low self esteem and tell my other readers to suggest things for my other stories……

I want to write a sex pun somehow…

I've hit a rut and I needdddddddd you guys to helppppppppp me!!

As a welcoming back present, an extra long chapter with a flash-forward…ish….scene? o.O

Fioriparty's (Youtube series)- series spurred this thought of mine, why didn't any of the Naruto psychos' parents actually notice they were creating a freak?

:

Diary of a Stalker

Chapter 12- Why didn't anyone notice before?

:

Gaara shifted slightly.

He sighed, trying desperately to wish himself out of the hell he was now in.

Why was he here?

In a retail store….

As a cashier…………..

Why?

These questions plagued his mind as he tried to ignore the seeming less ends of people circling around him.

It gave him a headache.

He was Kazekage!!

Dammit!

Why was he here?

Was it one of Shukaku's tricks?

What was with the raccoon-dog?

He sighed.

An older woman stepped up to his lane…

He rang her items…

Mentally picturing how he could stab himself with an iron….

Makeup….

Wait…

Was that…

"MASCARA?? THAT'S MY FUCKING COLOR!!"

Old lady, O.o

:

………….

………………………………………..

Gaara woke up from that hideously horrible nightmare to find that he was back in the Sand Village, sucking his thumb in his sleep, but still the Kazekage.

……he really needed to stop watching those anime cartoons…they were so unrealistic….

Retail stores across the globe…HAH!

What a laugh……..

Itachi frowned, his blurring vision slowly starting to fade back to normal.

Or what was now normal for him.

He rolled over, cuddling his pink teddy bear with laces of bloody rose and candy, no bed was complete without him in his opinion!...

He groaned, racking his brain, he just couldn't understand how it happened…..

He had killed them yes…..but…they had deserved it….

Not accepting him….

"""""""FLASHBACK SCENE"""""""""""""""""""

Mom (Itachi's mom….duh who the fuck is the story about? Lol) : "Sweetie I can't find Itachi-kun, is he training?"

Dad, "of course, that's what a good prodigy son does, I mean, why actually show him affection? He's just a weapon, not a child, that will kill us about 8 years from now because of this very situation!"

Mom, "oh sweetie you say the darn-dest things!"

Both, :laugh:

:Meanwhile:

Itachi, "hmmmm, maybe I'll show emotion today, nah! I'll just fuck with them and make them think I'm a mannequin…"

Dad, "oh there you are weapon!"

Itachi, "oh hi father, donator of sperm whom I will kill and tear apart you bastard just you wait this smile hides my psycho thoughts of fucking a fish-like dude on your fire-burned bed 8 years from now!"

Dad," that's good son!"

Dad, :to self: "Damn! Good thing I never listen to that kid or see any signs of early serial killing!"

Mom, "oh Itachi! There you are sweetie!, BTW, where did you get those adorable little wrinkles that children shouldn't have at your age?"

Itachi, :blank expression: "they were there…..because…they show my inner pain…….emoooooooo…"

Mom, "that's good!" :hums to self while making a pie:

Itachi, "I cut myself!"

Mom, "that's good sweetie!"

Itachi, "I might die!"

Mom, "that's good sweetie, have fun!"

Itachi, "DAMMIT YOU AREN'T EVEN LISTENING!"

Mom, "of course sweetie, take your bike!"

Itachi, :walks out of the house: "someday….."


	14. Update

Go to the site listed on my profile pleez,

Thanx,

The authoress


	15. A new pet

A/N: Sorry peeps, I haven't had much time to do things with school and all……. Hope you like this chapter and pleez tell my other fans to R&R…

This chapter is dedicated to my new hamster Vincent (named after Vincent Valentine).

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Diary of a Stalker

Chapter 13: A new pet

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Itachi rolled over, blinking into what seemed to be a glaring sun.

"What the hell?....Stupid sun!"

He tried to cover his eyes, which were very sensitive but to no avail.

"Ugh!"

Kisame poked his head in, "decided to join the living?"

Itachi glared at the fish, but, sadly, he ended up giving the wall his wrath because Itachi had bad eyes.

Kisame giggled at this, but decided to flee before the Akatsuki member decided to burn the place down again.

Itachi frowned, he crossed his arms and pouted cutely, "hmph!"

He was quite lonely now, the Akatsuki hadn't been doing anything evil in a while…..

He ventured out of bed, and put on his uniform..

After struggling for several minutes and finally realizing that he wasn't being strangled…he just was trying to fit his head through the wrong coat hole; he managed to get his clothes on and head for the door….

CRACK!

Yep, he headed straight for the door, oh wait…..that's a wall…..

Itachi, .….."goddammit!!!!#$%#T%$#^&$U&%^*%^^%$% KISAME!!!!! STOP MOVING MY DOOR!!!"

Kisame rolled his eyes in the other room, "why can't he just admit he's going blind…..?"

Itachi snarled, "I HEARD THAT!!!!!!"

He reached the door, and with Kisame's guidance (not acknowledged….of course)…he went out into Konoha for some shopping..

Much to Kisame's surprise, he headed straight for the pet store…..Kisame blinked…"pets? I didn't know Itachi liked animals…."

Itachi blundered in the store and looked around….he found an employee and then told him what he needed.

"I need a dog….to …..help me……find things….(yeah…he thought…that's a good lie….they'll never suspect I need it to see!!)"

The employee stared at him and then led him over to the cages with the dogs.

Itachi frowned, "hmmm…no….too small….too poofy….too gay…..too big….too nice…ah! That one!"

The employee stared at him, "but sir….that's not-"

Itachi growled fiercely, "do you defy me??!!!"

The employee shook his head, even though obviously Itachi couldn't see this, and quickly put the animal on a leash and gave the leash to Itachi.

"Now sir….how will you be paying-"

Itachi's eyes got huge, "PAYING??? TAKE THIS!!!! MANGETKYOU SHARINGAN!!!"

……the employee once again stared at him, then at the hole next to him…..he decided it was best to act dead….

Itachi walked out of the store happily, "hey Kisame, like my new dog? ^he smirks evilly^"

Kisame gulped, looking down at the ferret, "yeah Itachi, it's ….something else…"


	16. New Chapter

I'm sorry I faked you out with a new chapter, yes it was a lie but I needed to avoid being on the radar of certain people.

Update:

Due to the recent fanfiction purging of M-rated and reported fanfictions, I have no doubt that I will be among the thousands of writers who will have their stories deleted or find themselves banned without notice.

* * *

**You all are important to me, I love your reviews and ideas and I like that you all followed my development as a writer. ** I hope to continue this:

I can be found on Tumblr under the username: the-indeed-that-never-was

I can be found on DeviantArt under the username: firepokemonluva

Please follow me onto those sites and continue to support me in my endeavor to keep the fandoms alive if I do get deleted. To my favorite authors: Please _save your stories now_ and continue posting, this censorship should not be tolerated by a group of people that can simply hit the backbutton. I will try to get onto AO3 if I can, if someone has an invite they are willing to part with, I would be grateful. Or if someone knows another site, that would be good too.

If someone could also PM all members of the Xemsai community, KH fandom, IY fandom, YGO fandom and so on with this warning, I would really appreciate it.

Sincerely,

The kicked but never beaten Superior.

Long live the smut.

(I'm sorry for the hundred emails you might have gotten)


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